In Pain in the Darkness Over a Year
I cried in the dark, helpless and hopeless, as my world fell apart. Every day was a battle against the overwhelming suffocation of fear and anxiety, as though the very breath in my lungs was taken from me. My life, the one I knew and loved, felt like it was slipping away. I was being slowly consumed by the weight of falsehoods, the cruelty of rumors, and the violence of slander.
For over a year, I lived in constant terror. Not just for my physical safety, but for the destruction of my soul. The venomous lies spread about me were like poison seeping into every corner of my existence. Each whisper, each accusation, dug deeper into the core of my being. The fitnah—the slander—was killing my soul.
There are moments in life when you feel as if your very essence is fading, like you’re a ghost trapped in your own body, unable to escape the torment. That was my reality for so long. It felt as though my soul had already died, long before my physical body would follow. I had been stripped of my dignity, my reputation, my identity. The shame they threw at me was so heavy it felt like chains binding me to a prison I could not escape.
But even in the darkest moments, when I thought I could no longer go on, something deep within me held on. Faith.
Faith as the Only Light in the Darkness
I have come to realize that, when all else fails, faith is the only light that remains in the darkness. It is the lifeline that pulls you from the edge, even when you feel like you are drowning.
I became one with the words of the Qur’an, allowing them to wrap around me like a blanket in a storm.
Surah Al-Hujurat (49:11)
“O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them…”
• This verse reminds believers not to judge others hastily, nor ridicule or accuse others unjustly. It reinforces the principle of humility and refraining from slander, encouraging a more compassionate and respectful attitude towards others.
The verses spoke to me in ways that felt like whispers of solace in the chaos of my mind. I found strength in the verse about the munafiq—the hypocrites—whose words are like daggers of deception. I had become intimately familiar with this concept, as I was being drowned by the falsehoods being spread about me. I understood it now in a way I never had before. The lies told about me were as dangerous as the poison of hypocrisy.
Yet, despite this darkness, I clung to the teachings of Surah Al-Kahf, which spoke to me like a beacon of hope. It was as though the surah, with its story of trials, perseverance, and faith, was written just for me, for this moment in my life. I placed my full heart and soul into its words, allowing them to guide me and remind me of the strength that comes from unshakable belief in Allah.
A Soul Reborn Through Faith
The pain, the hopelessness, and the lies threatened to destroy me. But in my darkest hour, I discovered that no matter how deep the darkness, God is my savior.
Even as my world seemed to crumble around me, I realized that nothing, not even the most vicious attacks, could take away my faith. In fact, my faith became my anchor, my source of strength. It was the only thing that kept me from falling into despair.
The darkness that I lived in for so long was not the end. It was only the beginning of a deeper journey, a journey that brought me closer to the light of faith. I came to understand that pain is not something to be feared, because it is through the deepest suffering that we often find our greatest connection to God.
Though I was shattered, though I felt my soul broken beyond repair, it was in those broken pieces that I began to rebuild. Slowly. Gradually. With each prayer, with each moment of reflection, I rebuilt myself, piece by piece, through the guidance and strength of my Creator.
Only God, My Savior
Now, as I stand here, still scarred but unbroken, I know that my soul is no longer lost in the darkness. I am reborn through faith, stronger than I have ever been. The fitnah tried to kill me, but it only awakened me to the truth. It awakened me to the fact that no matter what happens, God’s light will always shine through the darkness.
In the depths of despair, I found my strength in God, and it is through Him that I will continue to rise.
05:32 PM